![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Jan. 24th, 2017 03:01 pmSaw a psychologist for the first time ever (first one, seven years ago, was a therapist which Does Not Count) - I was referred re: my pain. It would probably have been more useful were I not to move states in two days (OH GOD I HAVE NOT FINISHED PACKING), but she was lovely. I am sad I shan’t see her again because she was great.
It was slightly startling when I would describe one of the Things which has happened over the last few years, and for her to go, ‘That must have been awful’ or ‘It’s terrible to feel abandoned like that’ [the latter is, hilariously, re: one of my sisters]. It was wonderful to feel Heard, which was probably at least 70% of the reason why I cried a little in the appointment, and then sobbed in the loo afterwards.
(It was darkly, awfully hilarious when she was like, ‘What’s your mood like?’ bc I suspect that I have been trying not to notice if I’ve been having down moods, in the way that I try not to notice my pain. Also she was like ‘nothing personal but uhhh voices? thoughts of killing yourself?’ and I was like, ‘oh man, I know from suicidal ideation, and I have not been having suicidal ideation in like six years’ which was probably not as reassuring as it could have been. Also most regular people probably do not use the term ‘suicidal ideation’, I suspect)
Shame I now have to start from scratch again when I get to Victoria, including going through the tedious process of finding a decent GP and then getting three to four referrals for all the specialists I ought to go see.
(So if I post little text posts over the next few days about my broken brain, now you know why.)
It was slightly startling when I would describe one of the Things which has happened over the last few years, and for her to go, ‘That must have been awful’ or ‘It’s terrible to feel abandoned like that’ [the latter is, hilariously, re: one of my sisters]. It was wonderful to feel Heard, which was probably at least 70% of the reason why I cried a little in the appointment, and then sobbed in the loo afterwards.
(It was darkly, awfully hilarious when she was like, ‘What’s your mood like?’ bc I suspect that I have been trying not to notice if I’ve been having down moods, in the way that I try not to notice my pain. Also she was like ‘nothing personal but uhhh voices? thoughts of killing yourself?’ and I was like, ‘oh man, I know from suicidal ideation, and I have not been having suicidal ideation in like six years’ which was probably not as reassuring as it could have been. Also most regular people probably do not use the term ‘suicidal ideation’, I suspect)
Shame I now have to start from scratch again when I get to Victoria, including going through the tedious process of finding a decent GP and then getting three to four referrals for all the specialists I ought to go see.
(So if I post little text posts over the next few days about my broken brain, now you know why.)
